I did the unthinkable. I went to Japan and used a Bidet.
For my first editorial stream of thought writing I figured I would talk about the toilets over there because what else is more Erik-coded than that? Well if the Bidet’s had anime girls on them maybe..
God the toilet was comfortable, warm.. it sang songs to me as if it were happy to serve me, the now Shogun of Future Hell.
It was surprising though how 99% of the toilets I came across in japan were full functioning Bidet style. My friend Jack even went up into the mountains of japan and used a bathroom at an abandoned mountain car station and there was a working fucking bidet there. holy fuck.
One thing I also noticed is that everyone is respectful of the bathrooms in the country? Like I used countless public bathrooms in stores, restaurants, subway stations, bus terminals. All of them were clean and easy to use, which was confusing as hell because in America you are lucky to find a toilet with a fucking door on it for privacy. They even had cleaning solution you could use on toilet paper to sanitize the seat and the bidet itself had a sanitation/cleaning option to clean itself. I pooped in peace for so long.
EVEN THE TOILETS AT THE DEER PARK HAD CLEAN POOP HOUSES.
I was told by Lee that his first thought coming back to non-bidet world was ‘THIS TOILET IS A PRISON’.
I felt that in my soul as soon as I landed in America.
Finally now back in America and I get angry when I enter a bathroom. We could have such clean asses. Beautiful moments of rest while we release the toxins of our life into a tiny hole filled with water.
I need to buy a Bidet for my house. It will be heated seating and warm water. I wish to hear the songs of the ass blaster in stereo.
So, I’m opening up the future hell shop in the next few days and all profits from people buying my stupid shirts and hats will help me return to a world of peace.